Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
