I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
