Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
