ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
