we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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