I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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