Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is wine microwaveable?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize