bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
