just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
