Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
