Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
be right there i have to get my cape
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
