That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
