Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
