you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
