I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
