Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
