took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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