Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that's an acceptable place to lick
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
