i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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