Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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