the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
