If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
