I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
