well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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