dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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