so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the day after is always just damage control
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
