I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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