I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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