I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
