I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
