I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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