she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
