i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
