As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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