i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The Olympian is in my bed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
