i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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