You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
