Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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