Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
