VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
