She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
