neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
