I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
