I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
