i just had sex bonerless
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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