I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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