Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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