bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
