Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
