i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize