just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
