best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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