I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
