with your own penis?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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