She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
