I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
