I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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