Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
