watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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