Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize