I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize