cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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