Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
